so i have a lot to talk about but i'm going to focus on one thing: how much i suck.



we had elections last night for HFC, and I was running for vice president. i was nervous, only because i knew how qualified the person i was running against was. I had written this whole wonderful speech, and then someone toldme i shouldnt be that worrie abou it, and just say whatever came naturally when i got up there. That sounded like a good idea, and i followed the advce. only problem is, i'v been really worried about my grandmother and a lot of shit happened yesterday. so without a defined speech, i got in front of my friends and totally bombed. i dont blame anyone for not voting for me or thinking less of me because of what happened. kieran will be an awesome vp, and i know that he knows that if anything gets to be too much to handle, he will be able to count on me to do anything he needs. Everyone in HFC knows that. I'm definately throwing myself into more activities next year...


So nothing that i wanted to happen this semester, things i worked so hard for, happened. it was like, anything that i wanted so bad and put so much energy into, didnt turn out the way i wanted it to. when we were brainstorming for the 48 hour, we had this idea to show two people; one who didn't work at all and got everything, and one that worked and worked and worked and didn't get anything out of it. thats what i feel like right now, like that person who works so hard and sets goals for herself and no matter what she does, she can't attain them. i wanted to be an ra; i'm on the waiting list. i wanted to live with my friends; that just didnt happen...either time. i wanted this, that didnt happen (and i dont blame anyone for that because with the weak ass presentation i gave last night, i wouldnt have voted for me either.) there's other things too...i just feel like i try and try and try...and i just keep running into a wall. does that mean i shouldnt try anymore? does that mean i should just give up? i wasnt raised like that. that isnt me. but all this big stuff hasnt ever happened to me at once and i dont understand. does someone out there hate me? cause right now, i hate myself.




J'ai le mal du pays. Je voudrais ma mere. Ses mots sont très confortable à moi. Elle me manque beaucoup tous les jours. Et ma ville me manque aussi. Je regrete pour mes larmes. Je ne voudrais pas pleurer plus. Ma vie est très décevoir et pour ça, je regrete aussi. J'éspere que tu connais français ou tu es hors de la chance. C'est tout....


~ker~