do you ever have the kind of day where you wish you could just lay down and cry? why is that day today for me?? couldnt it wait til i was not so stressed and doing so much and could actually eat and be happy and be somewhere i liked?? why today??
i really don't understand the curve balls life throws at you sometimes. and no, this isn't one big thing, its a bunch of little things that have piled themselves up so high i just want to SCREAM!!!! i know that if you are reading this, and you know me, you understand what i mean. and you prolly have never seen me that fed up. i'm just tired. i'm tired of the bull crap. tired of the ignorance. tired of the pain. tired, as in sleepy. tired, as in stressed. tired of long island. yes, definately tired of that. tired of school. tired of not being punctual enough. tired of not being good enough. tired of my stupid foot. tired of missing. tired of pretending. tired of trying so gosh-darn hard to do things i don't want to do to impress people that i shouldn't have a need to impress. tired of the fakeness, the pettiness, the snobbiness, the money (or lack there of). tired of school. tired of work. just tired. why can't we have a vacation of nothingness?









WHERE IS MY SWEATSHIRT? that is what would make me so fucking happy right now. my nice comfy sweatshirt. BUT I'M IRRESPONSIBLE so that's my fault.






grrr.


tear........


-a frustarated kathryn-

bio test sucked the big one. the really big one.

i am really unhappy today and i have no idea why......

i need a hug, and my own bed. i was home yesterday and already i want to go back. even if munger wasnt there, i would want to go back. i need to figure this out. really...


school needs to be different. i need a different education than the one i am receiving. yah, i like my classes, well, most of them (poo on you sco 2!!). but i wish i was just learning hands on stuff. maybe just film and french or something. i would be really happy then. i need to change my schedule so that i see my friends more. i am a lump more than a friend, lately. i love my friends!! all of you!! i need to get out more often.


**happy thoughts**

**when you're bf calls u to say HEY**

**your OLD roomie and you attempt to steal chairs OUT OF THE GARBAGE, only to get caught by public safety, so decide that the grocery store will be more entertaining...and safe**

**you find poems...that you wrote...about love....and people like them**

**simon on 7th heaven wants to be a producer....just like you**

**your bio teacher thinks you know what you are doing, even though you her failed a test**

**that people actually read this thing ;) **

ok. sociology time. i think this is my favorite class this semester. too many cores is most certainly a bad thing.


middlebury?? can i do it?? can i afford it??

-ker-

rereading my entry from oct 7, it looks like my emotions got carried away and my point was lost somewhere between the lines.

my point is this:

i miss my best friend. every friendship goes through ups and downs, and i understand that. but i was really hurt by the email i received in june from my best friend and am obviously still hurting. i can't take back things i've said or done, and we can't overlook anything ANYONE said or did in the past. it's behind us and it can't be changed. we can learn from our mistakes and move on. i miss the friendship that rachel and i had, i even miss the friendship gregg and i once had. we always knew how to have fun, even when we weren't doing anything. you vt people know that it is sometimes hard to find something exciting to do, but we always had our own "adventures", didn't we?

my point on oct 7 was simply that i missed her....we all make mistakes...

i don't know if we could ever be friends again. nothing would ever be the same. the one time i saw you this summer, i wanted to tell you everything that was bottled up inside me, all the song lyrics that made me think of you, the poems i've written....everyone was flabbergasted at the thought of that email....i've written a million letters but never dared to put a stamp on any of them...some apologizing, some upset, some just seeing what was up. a friend to me is someone who is honest and gives there opinion to you, even if it hurts ( right adrianne? ) if you ask, if you complain, if you say something is wrong, we will always be there for you, even if you say it a million times over, never changing a word, and we will always give you advice. friends forgive, and love means never having to say you're sorry.









so why do i hurt so much?














-*-*-kt bear-*-*-